Donna and the Reception

At last we were back in the car and I went with Dolly to the hotel where we formed a reception line in the grand room that led to the dining room where the meal was to be served. We all had champagne and shook the hands of the guests as they arrived. Suddenly there was a murmur and for the first time I saw the arse. If you think she’s gorgeous on the tv and in the papers, see her in the flesh. She was in a black, calf length split skirt with a wonderful white silk camisole which had an embroidered decoration at the neck. Her short, dark jacket had a silver gecko climbing on her left breast and her hat was wide with a net veil. Nellie almost curtsied! She was incredibly natural and charming and spoke warmly with everyone, including me as she shook my hand and said, ‘You must be College?’ A while later I realised I should have said, ‘Yes, and you’re the rear of the year,’ but I only ever think of a riposte about a week after the opportunity has lapsed so I just admitted I was and said it was good of her to come. Nice lady. Donna was not far behind and looked at me with a smirk and I was sure everyone knew our secret as she looked slowly down over my dress. She kissed me demurely and said, ‘Good luck, College. I hope you can concentrate!’ Bitch. I took another draught of champagne and put thoughts of my speech out of my mind as the other guests came through. All the rugby players were huge and their handshakes threatened to crush our bones. Each of them kissed Nell and bear-hugged David and at least three kissed me. Flattering but, well, you know.

Dolly and I took our places at the top table and my nerves started to flutter again. I didn’t eat or drink much and the meal seemed interminable. Dolly chattered away and I wished uncharitably that she’d shut up but managed not to say so despite her repetition of that now hated phrase at every opportnity. Donna was sitting at a table with a few of the rugby players and occasionally caught my eye and smiled encouragingly at me, bless her.

And then it was my turn. My legs were shaking as I took my notes from my bag and stood to speak. I won’t bore you with all of it, just a couple of snippets.

‘Nellie is the best of friends, the best of daughters and the best of colleagues. I know she will be the best of wives.’ Applause. ‘What you see with Nellie is what you get. There’s no side to her,’ dramatic pause, ‘plenty of front, but no side.’ The laughter was immediate and, as Donna had so wisely said, the elephant in the room was acknowledged and had vanished. Nellie smiled gratefully at me and, emboldened, I went on. ‘Dolly and I have been talking a lot over recent weeks. I needed to get some background and there’s plenty to share. You may be as surprised as I was to learn that Nellie is a fine pianist and also appeared in a number of her school’s plays. At thirteen she played Joan of Arc and I have here the local paper’s review. I quote, “Ms Prendergast brought a new dimension to the maid of Orleans. Few of us know that, approaching her funeral pyre, Joan tripped, said bollocks and lost her helmet.”’ I think it is almost relief that makes people willing to laugh uproariously at almost anything at a wedding. I can’t tell you how it helps the speaker’s nerves. ‘It seems that clumsiness has played an important part in her life and David would do well to ensure that all breakables are kept well out of her reach.’ I went on to reveal a few hopefully amusing incidents and extol her virtues, managed to ad lib about another example of her clumsiness in getting her foot caught which got a good laugh but I kept it short and finally got to the toast. ‘It is my huge pleasure to ask you all to stand, raise your glasses and join me in toasting ….. the bride and groom.’

Relief flowed over me as I received warm applause and I sought out Donna who was still clapping and smiled at me. I thought she was looking proud which brought a tear to my eye.

‘Brilliant, College,’ said Donna later as we swayed in a dance. ‘Dare me to ask the arse for a dance?’ I grinned. She only bloody did! And they did! It was a show stopper and the applause went on for ages after they left the floor giggling together. I joined them and realised they had become friends, but then, Donna has that gift. We chatted to her for a few minutes. I said that her job as Matron of Honour had been more demanding and public than mine and she said, ‘I didn’t have to speak to a room full of drunk rugby players. You were brilliant.’ Nice lady, as I said before. Donna took my hand and said, ‘Our room, College, I have a need.’

‘We can’t possibly!’

We did. Now, when she had come around to the hotel before we left for the wedding, Donna had a surprise for me. She can be so wicked. I had just finished getting the frock on with her help and Donna said, ‘Lift that up a sec.’ I did and she smiled again at my stockings and suspenders. She very deliberately took a velvet bag from her handbag and from it she slowly and portentously removed two small, silver eggs joined with a yellow string. She proceeded, despite my protestations, to pull down my knickers and, after a little moistening, insert these two eggs inside me. ‘That should concentrate your mind.’ I continued to protest but she was unrelenting. ‘This will be our delicious secret, College.’ It’s absolutely no good arguing with Donna when she has made her mind up. So now you may understand that, thus loaded, there was good reason for my slight discomfort whilst seated or walking or, well, doing anything. Everything I did seemed to make them move in a way that screamed ‘Donna’ in my mind’s ear. I would never have allowed anyone else to do something like that but, well, that’s Donna for you.

We went quickly and furtively to our room and in order to avoid any harm to the dress, she had me (and there is no other way of putting it) standing, back to the wall, dress up, with her hand between my legs and her mouth firmly on mine. My hand found her under her frock after a bit of effort and we made it almost together, giggling and joyful. Doesn’t champagne have wonderful aphrodisiac effects? We straightened our clothes and returned, me still erotically full and now even more conscious of her rather unusual gift, to the reception. Nellie raised a questioning eyebrow and I blushed. ‘Dirty mares,’ said Nellie fondly and she hugged and thanked me again and effusively. Dolly was maudlin by now and told me I was the husband she wished she’d chosen. Donna danced with her too. Even I danced. The groom insisted and so too did the best man. I don’t know if you have ever danced with a man who is six feet, eight inches tall, weighs about the same as a bus and is pissed? The only advice I can give is to wear steel shoes. My poor feet!

Nellie and David left for their honeymoon around ten o’clock. By this stage a few of the rugby players were distinctly the worse for drink but they seemed to have a culture of good behaviour when plastered. Donna made me dance with her a few more times and on the last occasion and with her mouth close to my ear said, ‘’I’ve been inside you all day.’ Does diaphanous silk turn entirely transparent when damp?

We fell into bed, far too exhausted to do anything but sleep. Donna patted me. ‘Nice arse.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Not yours, hers!’ I smiled to myself as I fell asleep in her arms.