Donna and the Breasts

‘Cornelia Jane Prendergast?’ asked Donna. ‘Our Nellie is really called Cornelia? She kept that pretty dark.’

‘Well, you would,’ I said. Donna agreed. As we strolled later that day into the Old Jill and Whistle she saw the said Nellie working behind the bar.

‘What ho, Cornelia,’ she shouted rather louder than necessary and Nellie glared at her across the lounge bar. ‘Two halves of Auntie Mary please, Cornelia.’ She can be like a dog with a bone sometimes.

‘Fuck off,’ said Nellie with a slight smile then, leaning over the bar with her breasts cushioning her she said, ‘I told mother not to put that on the invitations. I knew you’d take the piss.’

‘I think it’s a very pretty name,’ I said, trying to limit the damage and she beamed at me.

‘Some people have taste,’ she said as she placed the two glasses on the counter. ‘Now then, College, the plan is that you, me, Chelsea and Kate,’ these are the two bridesmaids, ‘will stay at the Majestic the night before the wedding. Are you coming too, Donna?’ Donna established that Chelsea and Kate would not have escorts and so she felt it better if I were there without her. I confess I felt a slight disappointment. It was rare for us to sleep alone these days and I somehow felt a bit a bit of a vacuum without her beside me at night. Nellie continued, ‘We’ll have a car to the church, that’s you and me, College, the other two will travel in another one. You will walk with me to the altar and then stand back with the bridesmaids. After, you’ll walk out with my Mum. There’s a practice on the Thursday, can you come?’ I assured her I’d be there.

The practice went without a hitch. It was presided over by The Reverend Dr Amelia Furbelow who was rather like the Vicar of Dibbly in both size and demeanour. Chelsea said, ‘That’s an unusual name,’ to which Donna replied that there was nothing unusual about it, since we all have fur below. This occasioned peels of disrespectful laughter which the good vicar mistook merely for the happiness of the occasion.

Nellie’s mum was a real charmer and it was absolutely certain that she was Nellie’s mum, there being a striking similarity between the two in the chest department. As we strolled home through the late summer evening, Donna held my hand. ‘That is four of the largest knockers I have ever clapped eyes on.’ I concurred that they did have a certain spectacular quality about them. ‘Bloody scary, I reckon. You imagine, College, if that lot all got out at once. I reckon it’d be a sort of mammarial avalanche! I can see premises swept aside, telephone lines brought down and vehicles carried away in the deluge.’ I sniggered and she said, ‘Don’t titter, its unseemly.’ At this, we both sniggered.

Later that night I was lying in bed. Donna had surprised me by tying a black silk scarf around my eyes and thus deprived of visual stimulus I could only feel her touch and hear her words. She whispered into my ear as she held my hand. She didn’t touch anything that might under normal circumstances have sent me into the stratosphere but somehow the intimacy, the sheer eroticism of her words and her proximity did the trick. This time I was allowed to repay the gift (if not the debt) and I did so with great enthusiasm. When I had finished tipping her velvet to her obvious satisfaction I lifted my chin onto her tummy and smiled up at her in the half-light of a room lit only by the glow of lights from the street outside and the glow I felt. Donna lifted her head.

‘Nice one, College.’ I looked down at her lovely place and could but agree.