Auntie Jill's Jillings

Dear Auntie,
I'm an ex-Trekkie who is relatively new to chat and I keep coming across people who ask me if I have ‘any limits’ or if I am willing to do ‘RP without limits’. Does this mean they want to take me outside the solar system or are they looking for a kind of action I might not like?
Spock’s Auntie

Dear Spock's Auntie,

First of all may I congratulate you on being an ex-trekkie. There are few perversions as serious as that which you have managed to conquer. Aside from anything else, the phrase, 'to boldly go' is a heinous splitting of the infinitive and one which should have prevented the series from ever being made.

Having come to your senses one must assume that you found yourself bereft of friends. As a 'Trekkie' no doubt your society merely incorporated nerds and weirdoes and so, quite naturally you turned to the sensible world of chat. Disappointingly it appears you have found that some members of the chatting sorority are, shall we say, inclined to explore the darker aspects of their fantasies. They have created a code system to indicate to others of a similar bent (and I use the word 'bent' advisedly) in which the phrase 'no limits' is to be found.

The phrase does not in any way suggest extra-terrestrial or solar-system travel. It may, for some, involve a transport of delight but one suspects that it actually suggests a transport of depravity. Who in her right mind does not have limits? How, for example, should we feel about the misuse of a marshmallow and a toilet brush? Would one not definitely eschew the combination of intimacy, an octopus and a hairdryer? The number of things I personally could list as limits is endless. I even discussed this with my avid group of researchers. It transpires that Jennifer, a woman who specialises in researching the darker aspects of sexuality, has a passionate loathing of any form of sexual behaviour which involves patisserie.

And so, Spock's Auntie, let me offer my advice. Before embarking on a conversation with anyone who suggests 'RP without limits' that you have in your own mind a clear idea of those things which you would never countenance. A sample list might include anything illegal, anything involving harm and, of course, anything involving banking.

Go boldly, my friend, and safely into the extra-terrestrial world of chat.

Auntie Jill



Dear Auntie
As someone who enjoys chatting to other women in chatrooms, I have of late increasingly found myself chatting in the main room or in fact any room instead of the women’s room because of the amount of back-biting that goes on in the latter. Can you explain to me why bi and gay women seem so prone to drama? Furthermore why are gay or bi men so drama free, does it relate to the location of their brains?

Puzzled

Dear Puzzled

You are not alone in discovering this trait in the lesbian rooms of chat. There are those who enter chat rooms for diversion and for other, different reasons. Many are women who have yet to become comfortable in their sexuality in the 'real' world. Some have lesbian inclinations but are unsure of their feelings and want to explore them in a safe environment. Others are alone, perhaps after the break-up of a relationship and visit sites like Literotica for nothing more than a quick Jill and who could criticise them for that. (At this point, if asked, Auntie Jill would confess to having passed an occasional and delightful hour or twain indulging her carnal pleasures in such a manner) These people enjoy the company of of other women for their shared pleasures or for friendship or whatever their fancy may be.

There is however a large contingent of people for whom chat beomes life itself. They dwell in a world apart, with no contact with real, sane, balanced people. For them, and reluctantly I categorise them as socially inept, the cyber world is all they have. And we must remember it is an entirely two-dimensional world. We have no body language to underpin the spoken word. A carelessly chosen word or phrase can cause inordinate hurt without intent. A missed appointment due to a perfectly normal occurence like, for example, your house catching fire, becomes an unforgivable offence.

One could ramble on for hours about the way cliques from, infidelities hurt and minor, careless acts create vicious feuds among those who live in that world without commuting occasionally to reality and recover a sense of proprtion.

Let me mention just one last thing in this context. It does not pay to be clever in a ladies chat room. It is a common perception that any 'woman' who is clever, must in fact, be a man. Please do not ask me why this should be so. It mystifies me, especially since one of my closest friends is, herself, possessed of a brain of inestimable size and she also has a fine pair of tits. But once the brain is exposed rumours spread among the ludicrous that so and so is a man.

There is a shorter answer to your query, Puzzled. Chat attracts nutters who are obsessed with self. Their war-cry is meeeeeeee. They cannot form genuine friendships because of their ego-centricity. They are not always easy to spot. Take care, Puzzled, but also take heart. They are, out there, Jilling quietly at their PCs and laptops and iPads etc, lovely people who can be great fun, great company and, believe it or not, intelligent!

Auntie Jill