Postbag

Dear Auntie,
I’ve been visiting your blog for several weeks now after your address was given to me by a friend in Chatavenue. My questions is this. I find myself getting extremely irritated by text speakers in chat whose opening line is always something along the lines of ‘asl?’ or ‘r u wet hun?’ So far I’ve been ignoring them, I don’t consider myself particularly elitist , but surely I’m right in looking for a little more sophistication?
Lucy.


Dear Lucy,

You are indeed. I always made it a cardinal rule to ignore ASLers along with anyone who described themselves as, or used the word ‘bored.’

ASL is basically the mating call of a fairly primeval species of homo sapiens closely related to Cro-Magnon man called the fucktard. Certain Chat rooms seem to attract them as places to show off their limited linguistic skills. The acronym stands for age, sex, and location, data which some require before initiating even the most rudimentary conversation. Even if your name is Lucy 25 you will still find yourself ASLed by the fucktard. Their second question is invariably MSN? Followed by Yahoo? and cam2cam? Often at this juncture the vocabulary of the fucktard is exhausted and if you are lucky they wander off in search of somebody else to ASL.

Occasionally when I had time on my hands, I would respond. Usually along the lines of 87, hermaphrodite; 18° 39' S/ 35° 31' E, (the latitude and longitude of Mozambique). Not sure why but 87 but it seems such a fine age to me. It’s useful to have your response in a Word document then you can cut and paste it for all the ASLers. The responses can on occasion be highly entertaining.

As a general rule of thumb, as in real-life I would usually be willing to chat to anyone who made me laugh.

I hope this helps.

With love,

Auntie Jill.