The Chaplain

After a month of hospital visits, lab tests, X-rays, & MRI’s, doctors cannot agree on a definitive diagnosis for the source of intense physical pain, wretched burning, and muscle cramps that spread throughout my body without any rhyme or reason. It's since caused considerable nerve damage which intermittently affects my ability to walk, drive, and type. That is why I’m unable to participate the way I once did. For this moment it has temporarily abated and I’ll attempt to make a post.

Thank you for the lovely pink rose, Saffron, and for everyone’s well wishes. I cannot IM as before anymore but do try to check email once a week. Nicky, thank you for the sweet note you recent left. Jasmin, have a wonderful trip and be safe. I love your tattoo, btw. And a big welcome to China Girl, I hope you enjoy your stay!

I’d like to share a Quote of the Day and how it was I first came to hear it. I don’t know the author, and ordinarily I’d look that up, but am being remiss because not sure how many more minutes I may have left to be pain free… Here’s the story, extremely condensed:

Years ago, midway through my military police career, three K9 instructors committed suicide one right after the other. Two were male, and one female. I knew them well because I saw them every day. A brief background is, that particular Unit was extremely dysfunctional. There was a set of old-timers we called dinosaurs because they’d been there for so long, who violated every rule all the rest of us honored. They back stabbed each other viciously, set innocent people up, and were essentially bullies from hell who thrived on intimidating threats to get their way. These weren’t idle threats either, like experienced on schoolhouse level; federal laws were broken without so much as blinking. The point is, our three deceased instructor’s lives were directly affected by their behavior; and all of us were constantly indirectly affected, including our students who were attending the courses we taught. It’s a long, horrific story, which, if ever published would have been a bestseller in Oprah’s Book Club. I was well aware of all the sordid details involved in this case, as was the entire congregation, the Chaplain, and the bigwigs whose job it was to prevent things like that from ever escalating into a tragedy, let alone three. So here I am, attending the third funeral, grief stricken, and watching the same chaplain prepare to give yet another sad eulogy, when suddenly he slammed his Bible down on the pulpit so hard the sound reverberated throughout the entire church. Then he quietly said:

“If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”

He repeated it very slowly, taking care to ensure he made direct eye contact with every single person in the room while doing so, progressively uttering each word a little louder and firmer until it echoed off the walls:

"If you aren't part of the Solution, you're part of the Problem!"

Then he bowed his head in silent prayer before walking away to leave us there to deal with that last funeral alone.

His use of that quote in that manner changed my entire outlook on life. It gave me and many others the clarity and courage to turn things around, even if it meant we might risk losing a coveted stripe or promotion in the ensuing challenge of trying to repair what others had carelessly broken. It was impossible to undo prior damage, and we couldn’t bring back the special people we had lost, but in the end his unique guidance was the catalyst for change we all needed. I’m ashamed it took this kind of example to open my eyes back then, but am blessed it did. I don’t remember his name, but I will never forget the impact he made sending somber reminder that doing a right thing in hindsight is no less important than doing a right thing with foresight.

We are all interconnected. Both our actions and inactions affect far more than we realize. I don’t ever want to be so unaware that I’m part of a problem like the one shown above. Since then, I’ve tried to be more vigilant spotting problems that start small, as all do, before gradually gaining momentum until recipe for disaster. At the point of first discovery a problem exists is when we become responsible to make a decision how to handle it, whether to ignore it or face it head-on. In this case, I choose the latter:

Dear Calypso,

I do not know you, I have never met you, and I have never conversed with you before. And yet, I’ve recently seen evidence you have used my name in a tired campaign against someone I adore. I’ve also read a disturbing 11 page manifesto written by you that was sent to me from an unknown source unwilling to reveal who they really are. I suspect it is someone I know. I do not take this matter lightly, for the undue stress of it has detrimentally affected my health by increasing all symptoms ten-fold. My health was already in jeopardy prior to these events and the reason I’ve been unable to participate on the blog the past 4 weeks. I have nothing to do with whatever happened in your past. Can you not see beyond the target of your obsession, as to how many people your desire for revenge is affecting?

Life is a school of hard knocks and part of growing up is learning how to roll with the punches. It is unavoidable we will each get hurt and hurt others at some point, whether intentionally or inadvertently. And sometimes we'll be left with questions we may never have answers to. Try to embrace the fact everyone we know is imperfect. That’s not a justifiable reason to hate them, judge them, or go out and form a posse to hang them from the highest tree. Negative seeds breed bad karma like positive deeds attract good karma. What goes around comes back and we may not always be there to see it. Whichever occurs as we reap what we sow, it's not a form of punishment for our mistakes or of sainthood for sidestepping a few. Both are blessings, for that is how we learn our greatest lessons. You can't force either on anyone; it has to come from their own experience, not yours.

So let me make it crystal clear. As I said, I don’t know who you are, but I’m SaffronsMoonbeam. My absence here isn't personal unto anyone but me. I have no control over what is happening to me physically without definitive medical answer as to source of current symptoms. It is my hope once I'm properly diagnosed there’s an easy way to treat it. I left a message I’d be out of pocket for awhile due to health issues a month ago. Scroll down; apparently you missed it.