Get it off your chest with Auntie Quinnie!!

Dear Auntie Quinnie: Ok I have never sent you a dilemma before but this one is really something that I am thinking about at the moment. I am currently in a very loving and lovely relationship. We are happily together and loving the fact that we have a life that we can share. We have had some challenging times recently where things we have said to each other have been taken the wrong way and I always end up being the insensitive or inconsiderate one. It culminated with an evening where basically we fought and tried to score points off each other. I had asked her to do something for me which was probably too much for her to deal with --- no it wasn't some sexual deviance -- it was merely something where I needed her support and I didn't consider that she would actually struggle to give me that support. At the end of the evening where she did support me she was very upset but wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I now don't know where we are and where I stand and I don't know how to deal with it.... AQ can you help me?

Auntie Quinnie: Mmmmmmm well I was hoping for something that related to sexual deviance as these dilemmas are easier to deal with. However, I will try my best to help you as you seem so lost in the whole issue. I guess first of all you need to understand why she felt that what you asked her to do was so hard for her to do ---- go on tell me it's a sexual thing !!-- should you have been aware of the fact that she would find it difficult to do. You need to ask yourself why you reacted the way you did and felt that taking the aggressive stance and scoring points was the best solution. I have no idea what you asked her to do for you but it must have been important for you to decide that you had to pressure her to do it ---- I get the feeling you didn't ask her whether it was something she wanted. To answer your question as to where you stand then you need to ask her. Based on what you have told me I would guess it is more than just something you have done and you need to have faith in the relationship that you have. You also need to be brave enough to accept that you maybe asked too much and tell her that you are sorry and you will not ask that of her again. However, if she doesn't want to play with the strap - on next time I am sure you caan find an alternative !!!