Keg-stands

Several readers were a bit puzzled yesterday when I referred to keg stands in the article: 'Get a whacko in your life.' I should have made it clear that this is an activity should only undertaken by college students. ie people like Cat and Twisty Sorry about that Camille). Normal readers should not try to do keg stands as they can lead to long term back trouble, people examining your underwear and choking fits. In fact there are a whole raft of things you can’t do if you’re not at college. They include.

1. Eating pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And considering that a valid meal.

2. Sundays dedicated to being strategically placed so you can watch your roommates slowly filtering in from walks of shame.

3. Coffee at 9….P.M.

4. Waking up on the bathroom floor wearing somebody else’s knickers..

5. Using abbreviations (LOL, Totz, OMG, Fo shiz) and movie quotes (You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!) in normal day conversations.

6. Not washing your hair for 3 days to “get those natural oils back.”

7. Diving fully clothed into the river after midnight

8. Wearing Uggs for any and all occasions.

9. Storing mini shots of Smirnoff in your purse “just in case you need them.”

10. Using empty bottles of Smirnoff as a form of home decor.

11. Having a drawer full of t-shirts emblazoned with quips such as ‘Jesus is coming! Look busy!’.

12. Drinking until 5AM and sleeping until 3PM. Then waking up and doing it again.

13. Calling in to work because you are hungover.

14. Leaving a grass snake in your best friend’s bed.

15. Drinking before noon. On a Tuesday.

16. Vomiting is the stairwell up to your room

17. Dressing up like a huge slut-bag for Halloween…three days in a row.

18. Pulling threesomes for a bet.

19. Smearing you friend‘s dildo with Sloane‘s liniment (back rub).

20. Being in room full of guys….all of which you’ve hooked up with.