HR

3 – Preparation

Lucinda spent many hours reading through the HR manual which PGJ’s head of HR had sent over when the take-over was complete. It seemed to Lucinda utterly incomprehensible.

‘My God, but they have a strange way of talking. I mean, listen to this.’ Cecilia yawned and rolled onto her back in the bed they shared. ‘Do I have to?’

‘”Article 38, section 7, clause 4. No employee shall interfere with any co-worker in any way nor shall any employee or the company discriminate against any other on the basis of gender, sexuality, race, colour, faith or age. Sexual relations between co-workers shall not be permitted and should a situation arise which in any manner compromises this article employees will report such situational eventualities to either their direct vertically positioned line manager unless that line manager is so compromised in which case the employee shall report elsewhere.” What the fuck does that mean?’

‘Well,’ said Cecilia languidly, ‘You’re my direct line manager but I’m horizontal and if you know what’s good for you, so would you be!’

‘” Human Resources Department shall maintain comprehensive records of all relationships between employees, be they familially based or of a romantic or sexual nature. It shall be an act of gross misconduct to engage in any sexual activity on company time or premises…”’

‘And furniture?’ asked Cecilia.

‘”irrespective of whether this is during working hours or outside tabulated or pre-ordained working schedules as determinated by managerial conceptualisation or during employee mutual awareness and appreciation sessions as arranged by HR.”’

‘I’m about to breach Article 38,’ said Lucinda as her hand slipped slowly up Lucinda’s leg. ‘Get horizontal, darling, it might save your job!’