Dear Auntie Quinnie: I have been spending time with my online gf for a long time and we meet up to chat most nights. I have heard that after a year most lesbian couples start to see sex as a less important part of their lives and I am worried that we will get the curse of the "lesbian death bed" -- what can I do?Auntie Quinnie: Well my chat chum, as we move into the second decade of the third millenium there are still fundamental evolutionary issues that we, as the human race, still struggle to answer (I blame the scientists !! ). Apparently scientists are claiming that women feel more secure in their relationships after a year and as two women together cannot procreate without the proverbial turkey baster there appears to be less of a need to have sex. It is clear that you need to make sure that the LDB syndrome does not affect your relationship. One thing to make sure that you try and do is to have time with your partner, and by time I mean quality time. You need to remind her that she is an important part of your life and, whilst it's not about the sex, the intimacy is really important. When she starts wearing her full winter PJ's in May you know you are in trouble (for Lisa that would be November ). My suggestion would be to ensure that you have time together --- switch off the TV, open some wine and talk about the two of you and where you are and want to be. If she is not so amenable to your softly, softly approach then the full knee length boots, riding crop and strap-on may well re-ignite the flame --- so I have been told by Tyke !!!
11 comments:
I’ve read this posting a few times, and as much as I am trying to ignore well I have returned.
Forget about other lesbian couples, all that matters is your relationship. You are worried about the “lesbian death bed”. In my view that is the first issue. Sex is not about just the bedroom. In flings and one night stand, sure, but not in a lasting relationship. Sex never begins or ends in the bedroom. It’s how you treat each other every day, that’s where it starts, that’s what gets you the bedroom. It’s the flirting when with friends, but not being able to touch. The brushing of fingers over shoulders as you walk past in the house; just a look or for online, it’s making time to be with them. In both worlds, it’s how you treat each other every day that gets you to the bedroom. Stop making time for one another; start holding back or just disappearing then that will effort the bedroom. If people have been together for a while, you notice little things when your partner pulls back. You fell it.
The other issue, “it is what it is”. Don’t worry about what could happen; just do what is true to you. If it turns out the other woman stops seeing sex as an important part of your relationship then you need to ask yourself what you want? What you need? At this point, I will tell you from experience, be selfish. If you are not getting what you want from a relationship get out while you can. I am older than most here, I have many life and online experiences. I have always felt good when my partner had what they wanted, what they need. I thought that was ok for me, but it’s not. What you end with if you think like that is everyone around you happy, but not you.
Just enjoy the ride of the relationship. Be open, be honest and in the female world that gets you a long way. There are many ways to show someone you care that have nothing to do with sex, but will score you points to get you to the bedroom. Just remember sex in relationship never begins in the bedroom!
Heck, I’ve already been serious!!! Do I really need to show the other me.
For Quinnie, when many start wearing any PJs..you are in trouble!
AQ , didn't you tell me that just last night you popped a bottle while in bed to watch TV? Yes, you did so I know that no such PJ's were present nor do I suspect any at all!
Hmmm now I am curious about the last sentence or two! How did the other night turn out?
AQ & Lisa if you always follow the sunshine PJs are never part of the wardrobe.
I've never owned knee-length boots!:P
Seriously in response to Lisa, basically we are all selfish but often in quite different ways, but good relationships are based on two people who are happy with the compromise they have made. Having said that the buzz is in both giving and receiving. On a personal note laughter gets me into bed every time…
Umm Mary, you know very well what I sleep in.
Saffron, I have only learned in the past year that one should be selfish. For a smart woman, how slow was I? Or just stupid really.
On the flip side, if you get two givers in a relationship, it takes a lot of work to begin with as neither will take. Grinning, twist that, I dare you.
I thank you all for your comments --- I'm glad it has provoked some discussions. I always thought it was better to give than to receive --- a good Christian upbringing--- but liss is right you have to know what you want before you know that you have what you need. As Jaye implied we're keeping it real --- although Xmas with the outlaws and future in laws was fun !!!( I say that with my Tongue firmly in my cheek!!!) --- however the wine was good and, NO, I didn't carry out the last two sentences ;) not yet anyway
Ps thanks for the detailed analysis Liss :)
Oops I meant Lisa --- duhhhhh predictive text does get one in trouble ocassionally :(
Saffron, so what your saying is that two out of three are in your closet? Happy New Year!
Quinnie, lucky you arent using that phone in bed. Could get you into trouble. (you didnt need to correct yourself, I knew whom you were talking too)
Post a Comment