Auntie Jill's Jillings

Dear Readers,

As I sit here in front of my type-writer at Jillington-on-Sea, with a stiff gin and tonic there is a gale blowing up the Channel and I am reminded some time has passed since I addressed the mountain of reader’s letters.

Many thanks to all of you who have written in to wish us a happy New Year. On behalf of all of us at the Coffee Shop I would like to reciprocate by wishing you a Happy New Year too, although I would like to remind Sue that I live at Jillington-on-Sea, not Rillington Place; an easy mistake to make I know if you come from Montana.

Having been away on holiday I’m afraid I have let the postbag build up. So apologies to all those who have been kept waiting. I have selected three letters from our postbag today exploring the same general theme, which is the relationship between on-line chat rooms and reality.

The best place to start is by saying you should never take chat too seriously. Chat is about fantasy and escapism. People come to chat to escape from the realities of life. They often make themselves younger, forget that they have a wart on the end of their nose and perhaps give themselves bigger boobs. It’s fair game, as it’s what chat is about, being somebody you can’t be in real life. So my general advice is don’t forget chat is about fantasy and don’t expect too much. I know some chatters will disagree with me, but they are often those who think chat is reality and have allowed chat to become their lives.

Dear Auntie Jill,
I have been visiting chat rooms now for nearly eight months. During this time I have made several friends. What puzzles me is that no sooner do I make friends than they vanish. When I asked why this was other chatters said the best thing to do was to write to you. Do you have an answer please? Happy new year.
Upset and puzzled.

Well Upset & Puzzled,
If this question didn’t refer to on-line chat I would be proffering advice on the dangers of halitosis and recommending a good antiseptic gargle. However what you refer to is quite common and known as ‘poofing’ – the unexplained disappearance of people from on-line communities.

The simplest explanation is that your friend hasn’t vanished at all, but has simply acquired a new nickname. For a variety of reasons chatters frequently find the need for a new persona.

The main point here is that you should never take chat too seriously. Most people come to chat rooms for strictly utilitarian reasons – to explore fantasies. It is not normally a lifestyle forming decision. Despite finding chat addictive initially, people usually move on after a year. This is a perfectly normal state of affairs. There are some who choose to conduct their social lives on line, but they tend to be a small minority. Most people move on as part of the natural course of things. Chat is a bit like the pyramids – once you’ve seen them, you’ve seen them. Certainly some people return from time to time as and when the urge or urges take them but usually they come for highly specific reasons and once they have been discharged they go.

I agree it isn’t very nice that ‘friends’ go without saying farewell, but as I’ve said most people come to chat for extremely utilitarian reasons. I can only repeat and urge you not to take chat too seriously and reflect on the fact that in the on-line world it is so easy to confuse friends with acquaintances.

Perhaps you will understand better when it comes to your time to go ‘poof’ too?

I hope you found this helpful, thank you for writing in and a Happy New Year to you.
Auntie Jill.

Dear Auntie Jill,
As someone fairly new to chat I frequently come across people who my instincts suggest are much younger than they say. How likely is this do you think? I know all adult chat has self certification regarding age, but it strikes me that this isn’t much of a guarantee.
Cautious.

Dear Cautious,
You have every right to be concerned. Self certification is little more than a sop, or ritual hand washing and in fairness one has to ask what else can chat rooms do in practice?

My experience is similar to yours. I suspect there are far more under-age chatters than people own up to. As always the application of commonsense is the answer. When meeting new people time spent on social chit chat is never wasted. I always like to know who I am chatting to and anyone who is in a rush to side-step these general niceties is best avoided. I would like to quote an extract from what was a very good chat guide but has now sadly gone out of print:

AGE In chat people frequently lie about their age, which isn’t surprising as even in real life people are frequently very coy about their real age. Commonsense is always the best guide. If you suspect there is a big age difference between you and another chatter, language, musical tastes, dress and political attitudes usually prove very revealing.

Although the minimum age allowable in adult chat rooms is 18, not surprisingly, anyone who says they are 18 is likely to be anywhere from 13 to 17 years old! Real 18 years olds rarely add their age to their nickname. Beth18 is just as likely to be a 14 years old. If you believe that everyone in Chat is over 18 then you seriously delude yourself. The maturity levels of some chatters are clear testimony to this.

Unlike in Europe, the age of consent in the USA is 18 and ‘18 years olds’ are often the target of 'Horny Mums' and others looking for what is known cynically as ‘age-play’ – an anodyne sounding euphemism for something often more sinister. Most chat rooms quite rightly ban this kind of activity, but don’t imagine for a moment that it doesn’t happen.

I hope you find this helped.
Auntie Jill.


Dear Auntie,
I’m sure you have been asked this before but why do some women create so much drama in chat rooms? I would be very interested in your answer. And before I forget thank you for a great blog.
Persephone

Well Persephone,
Many blame in on tequila, but it’s a bit like asking why does a slice of toast always land buttered side down? Generally you can find the answers to your question in the previous two letters and their replies. Drama is usually created by people who are unable to distinguish between chat and real life because they crave the attention that they can’t find elsewhere. Generally they are people who think their needs and opinions are paramount to everyone else’s. My advice again is never take chat too seriously and if you want to stay sane keep well clear of the drama mongers.
Regards
Auntie Jill.

Finally the strangest letter that we’ve had here so far:

Dear Auntie,
I always view what the media says with deep suspicion and therefore I wonder if Bin Laden is really dead. Perhaps you can advise.
Denise.

Dear Denise,
Like you I view with deep suspicion anything the media and politicians say. Personally I will be tempted to believe that horrible man is really dead when all his videos are released as a boxed set.
Best wishes,
Auntie Jill.