Auntie Jill's Jillings

Dear Auntie,
I was in chat the other day and I came across this profile “My status says I'm bi but honestly I'm straight... With lesbian tendencies...” I can’t quite get my head around this is there something I’m missing.
Confused.

Dear Confused

You’re confused? I think the person who created that profile is more befuddled than you are.

Let’s think about the implications of this. It could be someone who is denying ‘her’ sexuality. It could be someone who wants to try a bit of Sapphic just for the hell of it (in fact that includes me and I am a lesbian). However, I have been discussing this at some length with Stella who is one of my researchers and is a psychologist. Our discussions can go on late into the night and sometimes my tongue is so awfully tired at the end of them that I can barely talk. Stella is the same and she finds that it also makes her nipples sore which I can never understand, but I digress.

Stella’s scientific view is that the person who made this profile is: male, 56, inadequate and probably called Nigel. Don’t ask how she does it – it’s like Sherlock bloody Holmes.

My advice is when you see a profile like that – chat to someone else.

Nice to meet you,

Auntie Jill.

Am miss Rebeca ,interested in you, and wish to have you as my friend,
for a friend is all about Respect, Admiration and love passion also
friendship is consist of sharing of ideas and planing together,
i intend to send you my picture for you,if you reply me.
thanks from Rebeca.

Now this little number from Rebeca (sic) is a cutie isn’t it? Let us put to one side her grammatical, syntactical, punctuation and spelling inadequacies. She may be someone who is having to write in a language other than her own. She may also be a drooling idiot and I tend to lean to that opinion but one should not leap to conclusions.

The fact that Rebeca (sick) is ‘interested’ in me and would like to have me as a friend is most flattering. Her opinions about the nature of friendship are informative although I am not sure if she wishes to make plans or learn to fly with me; perhaps take up woodwork?

My advice is to retain your picture in the criminal files of which ever country you hail from, write to people you know and join the Jilling School of English. The course costs £1,000 and includes a consultation with Stella (which makes the cost perfectly reasonable).

Best wishes,
Auntie Jill.