Dear Auntie,
I have a chat friend and I love many things about her. But we had a row recently and she sent me this e-mail which is full of stuff we said to each other months ago a whole load of it taken out of context made to make me look bad. Turns out she saves all our chat conversations. And I’m like whoa you never told me you were doing this and she’s like everybody saves chat conversations. To me its like going out with a friend and your friend puts a tape recorder on the table before you talk. Even when you phone up businesses they always tell you if they are recording conversations. I think its bad-manners and a bit sneaky. What I would like to ask is am I being over sensitive about this.
Treacle Topping
Dear Treacle Topping
My oh my but we do find some strange bedfellows in chat do we not.
I don’t know how many people save conversations but I know I don’t. If you saw some of mine you’d realise why! I sincerely hope my chat friends don’t but I am extremely selective about those with whom I chat and share intimacies.
Are being over sensitive? Of course you’re not. It’s not particularly the saving of conversations that is the issue here, although as you say it is sneaky and ill-mannered, it is the twisting and misuse of what you have said that would upset Auntie Jill. After all, if you are genuine friends you don’t do that.
Let’s imagine two friends are chatting and one of them is upset by something the other says. A friend would ask for clarification in the assumption that a real friend would not intend to upset. If the explanation confirms it was intended to be offensive then you explore that to establish a) did I do something wrong and b) has the relationship broken down in some way. That is how mature and real friends behave. The dimmer members of the tribe boil over a suspected slight and start bad mouthing the accused to others. That is what happens in the school playground and most people grow out of it. Some, those who cannot establish friendships, don’t.
Auntie Jill’s advice: if you still like her ask her calmly to explain. If her explanation confirms your fears then tell her politely and courteously to go and stick her head up a dead bear’s bum.
Love
Auntie Jill
3 comments:
Sound advice Auntie. Just one question. Bear's bums? There seems to be a very anal flavour here today - don't take that too literally.LOL
Treacle Topping brings to light a very sensitive issue. Once again Auntie Jill gets to the bottom of Toppings issue.I too advocate a calm and measured approach. Moreover I am greatly inclined to have a dead bear at the ready .
While I struggle with Jaye's 'bottom of the toppings' (dead bear's bums I can handle) I must confess I dislike the recording of conversations which are just like memos in offices, they have more to do with establishing a record than communication. Thank you Auntie for sharing your wisdom.
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