Auntie Jill's Jillings

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So to our first letter:

Dear Auntie,
For the last six months I’ve been a regular chatter. One of the things that irks me about chat is that after saying ‘hello’ the first question people ask me is my bra size. Is this normal? And secondly do I need breast augmentation as I must be the only person on line with A cup boobs.
Tiny Topper.

Dear Tiny Topper,
Just as in real life preoccupation with bust size in chat is largely a male thing. Sadly these days most men’s sole source of insight into womanhood comes through watching porn. As most of this is American generated and therefore predicated on size, the myth is that satisfying sex can only take place between women with breasts like watermelons and men decked out like fire-engines. Consequently, it’s not surprising men require your vital statistics early in a conversation. It is believed that the male obsession with bust-size is directly linked to the powerful marketing of substitute baby milk in the early 1960s and the subsequent premature weaning of babies. If ‘women’ need to know your boob size within the first minutes of conversation they are most likely posers. Nicknames such as HotmumDD and Hotslutwithbigjugs are often indicative or do we mean indickative of male posers.

I certainly agree sampling shows that chat rooms are populated by a norm-defying group of ‘female’ chatters. While the average bust size off-line is 36C, the chat room norm hovers around 34DD! Clearly, some chatters haven’t seen their feet in years!

While on the subject, here are some facts for your titillation. Over the last 15 years, the average bust size has increased from 34B to 36C, largely due to breast augmentation and/or a side-effect of expanding waistlines. Modern bra sizing began in 1928 and is measured and weighed in culinary terms. Breasts are sized in cups, with the following conversions should you wish to use yours for cooking:

A cup—8 fluid ounces (238 milliliters) B cup—13 ounces (385 milliliters)
C cup—21 ounces (621 milliliters) D cup—27 ounces (800 milliliters)

Bras need to be engineered to support a pair of breasts that can weigh anything from just over a half pound to 20 pounds. A bra weighs about 1.6 ounces (45 grams) and contains more than 40 components, including caterpillar spit, dirt, crude oil, gum from tree bark and molten metal. More than 4 million new bras are manufactured each day and $16 billion is spent on bras annually with each woman owning on average six bras. I hope you find this useful

Finally I’ve always seen A cup boobs as very elegant.

Best Wishes,

Auntie Jill.

Dear Auntie,
Re: Amy Amy.
Can I say a super big Hoorah for your latest jillings. Your letter was received very warmly by my friends and I in Lit Chat. We like many others are totally sick of Amy Amy in her many manifestations. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black, she’s always calling other people for having multiple nics and yet she’s the worst offender. Lit Chat has tried to ban her, because she ruins chat for everyone with her nastiness but she keeps coming back. Thank you for speaking up and for such a great blog.
The Weird Sisters

Dear Witches,
I always like to hear from people who appreciate Macbeth. Thank you very much for your feedback. We do endeavour to tackle all correspondence fearlessly and forthrightly in the Girls Coffee Shop. As for your on-going problem I find the best thing under such circumstances is simply to ignore it. The problem won’t go away but it sure as hell drives such nuisances mad with frustration.
Best wishes,

Auntie Jill.

Dear Auntie Jill,
I have been in chat now for nearly a year and for the last six weeks have had a steady chat girlfriend. She is very sweet and kind but recently has initiated conversations that suggest she wants to share me with her friends. I’m not happy about this and yet I don’t want to lose her. What should I do.
Watermelon Girl.

Dear Watermelon Girl,
The first thing to do is tell you girlfriend politely and firmly that you are not interested. I agree entirely with your stand on sharing; it’s really a matter of personal respect added to which you will soon find yourself on a very slippery slope. One which many chatters have found themselves on and regretted later. Tell your friend no-one else is laying hands on your melons and if she doesn’t like it then tell her it’s time for you to cycle off into the sunset taking your pips with you. I know it’s a tough decision but it’s one that has to be made.
Best wishes,

Auntie Jill