The Saffy Resume with Charlie Sheen

As everyone knows, these are tough economic times. It seems everywhere you look, people are tightening their belts, and cutting costs, and corners where they can. I know that our editor, although she runs her own business, could also use some extra cash . I recently saw an ad, that disgraced actor Charlie Sheen has put out, for an intern to manage his “ personal affairs.”

Saffy has many talents, including her writing ability, and I think this might be the perfect position for her. There is no telling what Charlie's favorite position is. I don't think it is the face on the police car frisk position. Charlie Sheen has mentioned his new intern will need " tiger blood " whatever that is. I wonder if Saffy having tiger and leopard print Knickers will suffice, lol.

I thought this might be a great idea for Saffy to break into show business, and, perhaps earn some extra cash. I got the form from the Internet, and decided to fill it out for her and send it in . These are some questions Charlie sent, and that saffy answered.


1. Charlie : Have you ever been abducted by aliens

Saffy : No, but I have been groped by a few illegal aliens, does that
count ?

2. Charlie : Do you have your own equipment ?

Saffy : I have knee pads, and a kitchen knife set autographed by Lorena
Bobbitt

3. Charlie : How tall are you ?

Saffy : I am much taller than you, so you might want to purchase a
a pair of hiking boots, as I may be worth the climb

4. Charlie : Do you like other women ?

Saffy : I do, but draw the line at the porn actresses you run
with, as I have standards.That's just not how I roll

5. Charlie : Are you any good at recovering stolen Mercedes from over a cliff ?

Saffy : With or without you in it ?


6. Charlie :If i pass out, or overdose from drugs and or alcohol,
and need my stomach pumped ,will you know what to do ?

Saffy : Yes, I am great with a wet and dry shop vac


7. Charlie : Can you speak any other other languages, as we may need to hide out
From time to time ?

Saffy : Yes, I can speak French, but France has already reached their quota
of crazy people,like Johnny Depp


8. Charlie : Who is the first person you think of if I say, Bueller ?? , Bueller ??
and what do you think of ?

Saffy : I think of Ferris, Ferris, and ditching school, and having a day off.





The Top 10 requirements for Charlie Sheen's intern

10. Must be willing to babysit the boss's children, 24-year-old goddess girlfriends and likely the boss.

9. Must have clean-up crew on speed dial, though the boss likes to polish off the drugs he's started himself, see quote: "I was banging seven-gram rocks, and finishing them, because that's how I roll." However, he's not so great at cleaning up when it comes to trashing hotels with porn stars.

8. Must be able to take verbal abuse, including but not limited to words such as "silly," "troll," "slag pit of redundancy" and possibly anti-Semitic tirades.

7. Must promise to collect any vehicles that have been driven off a cliff, especially if the boss would like to "ride the mercury surfboard" off said literal and figurative cliffs.

6. Must also know how to work troll-made electronics that include features like speakerphone or Web cameras.

5. Must have instant access to T-shirt-printing companies and facilities that would be willing to manufacture golden sombreros. Hey ,the boss has to generate an income somehow.

4. Must have some military experience, specifically dealing with F-18s, torpedoes and bayonets. Must know the meaning of, "We are at war. Defeat is not an option."

3. Must not be allergic to felines, specifically tigers, as that is the type of blood the boss has pumping through his veins. 

2. Must not be afraid of loud noises or constant use of the onomatopoeic word "boom."

1. Must have a working knowledge of the legal system and possible psychological training. Public relations expertise also welcome.
If you think you have these qualities, contact @charliesheen because you are, duh, winning!



* I thought with all the natural disasters occurring in the world, maybe some humor might be the best medicine. I truly hope this lifts some of you up.I spoke with Kimmie and Jas this morning,when I came up with this idea for an article. Thanks to you both for the encouragement to write this, and to withstand the inevitable saffron wrath,when she reads this. lol. In addition, Allison, gave me a couple questions,Allison herself was also the source of much encouragement as I began writing, so much thanks to you for your help as well. Big hugs. Our thoughts and prayers to those In Japan and New Zealand, who have the Daunting task of recovering, and putting their lives back together. I further hope things are safe where Nash is. *

Good luck on the job , Saffy